How To Write With A Newborn

  1. Ink up. Babies are not naturally inky. Most of what they produce is clear or milky and not conducive to writing on paper. That which is of colour is not recommended. Hence dip your baby in an inkpot prior to writing.
  2. Hold the right way up. Write with the feet as babies get fussy if they are held upside down for a prolonged period. Also their round heads are no good for creating beautiful cursive. Their tiny toes on the other hand (or foot) are perfect.
  3. Write age appropriate material. You don’t want the Mumsnet Brigade hunting you down because you made them write the word shit instead of boom-boom. Who knows what they absorb in those early weeks.
  4. Use your time wisely. Wide awake at 3am? Think about what you want to write when you can reach your laptop. Make notes on a note-taking app on your phone. Anything to keep you off eBay and Amazon. Maternity (or paternity) pay isn’t enough to cover all those books and baby clothes bundles you just ordered.
  5. Try again later. In all seriousness it does get easier. In like six months. Keep trying at it until the creativity comes back and your baby can amuse themselves for longer than three minutes.
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